


Nights Face-Up

by meg_carroll



Category: Crimson Peak (2015)
Genre: Dreams, Fluff and Angst, Multi, NOT A ONE SHOT, i like suffering, let's just see how it goes, not sure how long i stretch it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-16 05:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12336867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meg_carroll/pseuds/meg_carroll
Summary: Edith doesn't feel like herself lately. She dreams of a life so different from the one she has. Or are the dreams the family she sees around herself? Is the nightmare the memories of bloodstained snow and ghosts? She doesn't know anymore really, she just knows that she might choose one over the other. If it's life it just means giving up on nightmares. If not...she will have to figure out how to stay in them then.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This came to mind some time ago, a combination of inspirations and me just liking to be sad. Finally got around to type it, enjoy.

When she woke, it took her a moment to recognize where she was. The warmth of the lighted hearth had completely disoriented her. She could have sworn she had been very cold. It had felt so real. It was real. And yet as Edith sat up she could plainly see she was in her bedroom in Allerdale Hall. No, it wasn’t really possible. And yet it was. Or was it? As she scanned the room there were particular differences from how she had remembered it. Perhaps it was the light of day coming through the windows but Edith could have sworn this had been darker…gloomier was really the word she would have used if she had to describe it. The furnishings looked…newer? Cleaner? Why did everything feel so discomforting yet so familiar? An uncanniness, like some automaton or a fey…or a ghost. She looked to her side, not sure what she had been expecting to find. She had seen the apparition…she had seen him disappear…and yet her trembling hand moved to space next to her and her breath caught when she felt it was still a tad warm, as if only recently vacated. No, there was no way…

Her revery was broken by the door opening and a woman coming in with a tray. Fear grasped at her until she noticed this was not the young raven haired woman who had been feeding her and slowly destroying her from inside…no, this woman wore a maid’s uniform, her face was like the room-unknown and yet known.

“His lordship said you had not been feeling well, m’lady. Asked for breakfast to be brought to you.” Her voice was certainly not her sister-in-law’s. It was lower, her face was a little older, and she looked at her with the distinct frown that one can tell is more worry than anger. “I told him that attic needs patching, the fireplace at least. He insists on getting wires in…” She kept talking but Edith was not listening clearly. It was not tea and porridge but what seemed to be juice and toast. And who was this lordship? Alan? Were she and Alan married? No, she was fond of him, he was a dear friend and even more so after he had come get her but she wouldn’t marry him. She didn’t feel for him as she felt for-

“Shall I tell the baronet you will be staying in today?” the woman’s question sent a shiver down Edith’s spine. It was impossible. 

“No Grace” for some reason she was sure this was the woman’s name. “I will go down…After I finish this…”

Grace nodded and opened the armoire -had it always been there?- and took out on her dresses setting it on the chair near the fire.

“The day is a bit chilly. If you plan to go out with the young lord and lady I would suggest bundling them up as well.” She said with the sweet tone that Edith could only call maternal. “Considering the possible visitor today, I thought you would want to go for a walk.”

Edith was confused…visitors? The young lord and lady… she had seen them both cross to the other side.                               

* * *

 

After finishing her small breakfast Edith walked out to the hall and pulled her shawl close, an addition to the outfit that Grace had suggested she don, and looked at the open foyer. Like the room, she had thought it was much gloomier, run down…while the ceiling was still open at the centre it now looked…patched up, as if it had been repaired but left intentionally, like the homes with large interior gardens would look. While there was no garden there was something else that surprised Edith. She didn’t remember any staff here…there didn’t seem to be many but she could tell there were at least a few servants. The feeling of unease and recognition only got stronger as she saw them moving about. They all seemed to know her at least, as she went down the stairs and towards the kitchen. This was were they had meals, wasn’t it? If whoever Grace was referring to where there they would be here. Yet she was treated by another older woman, and a couple of young girls on the other side of the kitchen did a soft curtsey.

“Anything wrong, m’lady?” said the older woman. Why did she look so familiar?

“I was looking for the others…”Edith couldn’t understand why the name Mrs. Sowerby came to mind but she was sure that was this woman’s name.

“His lordship is still at the dining room I believe, the boys just went to collect the plates from their breakfast.” She said with a rather high spirited tone “You will be happy to know Miss Mary was not very fussy today, from what I hear she asked for seconds.” Said Mrs. Sowerby as she moved to the side “If you wish you can just go through the kitchen, m’lady.” 

Edith nodded and walked across the kitchen. It was so clean, so warm. She was wondering if she was not somewhere else and she just thought this place reminded her of that manor surrounded by blood red clay and snow. She passed by the two girls, _Cassie and Jane_ , she thought to herself, _their names are Cassie and Jane…why do I know this…_

She entered the dinning room, like the rest of the house it looked as it had been renovated, made to look new. Two young footmen stood with the butler who acknowledged her as she came into the room. Lockwood, she was sure that was the name of the butler, directed her to door telling her she had just missed them. If she remembered well, and she had her doubt that she did, beyond the door there was a sitting room. Indeed there it was. Like the rest of the rooms, it was both comfortingly familiar and disturbingly different. She sat down on the rather comfortable couch that was placed next to a lit fireplace. Was she going mad? Was she dreaming? Maybe she was in the right place…they were gone…for all intents and purposes she owned the hall…did she? Yes, she would have wanted it brought back to splendor…or at the least found a way to erase the nightmares. That was what it was, she had a nightmare, and she had thought she was back in that day. Grace had obviously said other names, she was just still thinking of her memories and her dreams. 

She had seen Lucille laying on the snow as it became bright red from the blow that had finally stopped her. She had seen Thomas’s ghost and how it had drifted away in the breeze. It felt so fresh still…as if it had happened only yesterday as the old cliche went. Now she had decided to stay here and build a new life. Edith smiled as she felt she understood now why she had been so confused. Even with the house made up it was still haunted by different kinds of ghosts. Memories that she was probably keeping alive herself. Maybe she had taken in someone? A ward of some sort perhaps? That’s why Grace had said little lord and lady…The sound of the door opening brought her back to the moment only to suddenly feel like she could not breath. A little girl ran up to her and climbed on the couch quickly going to her lap. Dark curls framed a sweet familiar face and a pair of sky blue eyes looked at her a bit sad.

“What’s the matter my darling?” She said as she comforted the little girl. Before she could answer a boy came in. He also had dark hair, slicked back and the same blue eyes…he looked so much like him. 

“What ever she says it’s not true mother!” he declared in the authoritative voice of someone around ten years old that is sure they are no longer a child. Edith smiled as she looked at him walk up to her. She was so distracted she did not see the other person follow the boy in.

“Carter, do not claim full innocence.” Said a voice with a soft chuckle. A voice she was sure she would not hear again. Thomas walked over to her and leaned down and kissed her lips before sitting on the couch that was opposite to the one she was on. “Did you hide something from her again?” He said as he pulled the boy to him. They looked so much alike…whatever ever was exchanged between them Edith could barely hear. What he said that sent the two children off out of the room sounded as he was miles away.  And even as he stood and walked closer to her, she felt herself go to black and wondered if it was still a dream that he was holding her in his arms…

* * *

 

**…She opened her eyes, haziness still overpowering her vision. The fire had died out again. Buffalo always had such cruel winters. She could go and light it again. No, she didn’t really need to. Maybe the cold was just a reminder of reality. Of how it was difficult and cold and lonely. That was reality, wasn’t it? The darkness that surrounded her only seemed to become stronger. Was she still in her room? Was she still in the bed where her mother had warned her about her future all those years ago? Yes, she was. Edith knew this had to be what was real. After everything that had happened, even nightmares did not hurt as much as every waking hour did.**

**She turned in her bed and looked out the window, frost covering almost all of it. And yet…dreams are not so elaborate and coherent, were they? She smiled and felt the sting of tears in her eyes. No, dreams would not make sense, they would not remind her of names and faces. Dreams, or more appropriately nightmares, were like this- a void, a sense of loss and the feeling of something being missing, something that tied you to reality. What had happened…it was not the harsh pain on a leg that had never fully mended, or the fear of every coughing fit, or the constant relieving of what she had seen in that room, of how she had ran and avoided what had seemed like certain death. She closed her eyes and told herself to wake up. Ghost were real, after all…**


	2. Chapter 2

**She sat at the yard, the papers next to her almost all blank, held down by a paper weight. The one on the typewriter sat waiting to know what would go under the tittle of _Chapter 1_. But every time Edith tried to think where to start it her mind would go blank. She had read that people, in moments of stress, would erase memories. Was that what was going on? The familiar pressure of a growing headache began to pulse on her forehead and she rubbed her temple softly. **

**She hadn’t forgotten everything, some things she was sure she could never forget. The ghostly figures, the trunk, two faces looking back at her from a bed, the taste of tainted tea, blood on snow. They were flashes mostly. They ran through her mind on an endless loop, sometimes another scene would come in. Sometimes they kept an order, or at least a sequence that suggested some kind of order. Other times they were disjointed, triggered by a sound, a taste, a smell, by a chill in the air. Like her thoughts were scrambling and trying to organize themselves. The headache got stronger.**

**Edith ran her fingers over the typewriter keys, the pattern that had so confused her that day now seemed to almost make sense. Almost. She looked on and they seemed to blur. She knew she had typed but as she scanned over the page she was so sure a minute before had ink on it. Glasses, she needed her glasses. But they were not there…had she forgotten them inside? Was her mind scrambling in such a way that the most mundane detail escaped her. Was this how madness started? Once she had read you could not read in dreams…Her head got heavy and she let herself sink into her chair. She closed her eyes, thunder rolled above her. As she rubbed her eyes and felt the pain taking over her she silently sang to herself _Rain rain go away…_**

 

“…Come again another day!” Said a little voice. Edith opened her eyes, the long stretch of the moors ahead of her. She was sitting on a large blanket that had been set out on the grass, and looking over her shoulder she saw the imposing building that seemed determined to keep some strange hold on her. It loomed so grand and yet looked small when compared to the large expanse of land that surrounded it. Her eyes caught a movement on her side and she saw a little dog curl up on the blanket. Doggie, a little red ball near by as it slept. Like the house, the little creature didn’t quite match to her memory, only unlike the house it looked….older? She was surprised by a pair of arms going around her. The little girl…her little girl looked at her with pleading eyes.

“It won’t work, momma.” She said confused and Edith couldn’t help but smile. She held the little hands in hers.

“Because we must do it properly.” She said and she led her in rhythmic claps, the memory of her mother’s voice in her ear “Rain rain go away. Come again another day. Little Mary wants to play.” With a smile the little voice joined hers as they both repeated the rhyme. It felt as if she had done it so many times. Had she? The thunder rumbled again and the little girl squealed and got up, attempting to pull Edith with her. They ran into the hall just as the first drops began falling, Mary stuck her arm out, laughing as she felt the heavy drops pound on her outstretched palm. Edith kneeled down next to her and did the same…the drops were heavy and almost stung when they hit her skin. It was comforting to feel pain. Pain meant reality.

* * *

 

Edith sat in front of the fire in her room, the cup of warm tea on the small table next to her. She couldn’t bring herself to drink it, even if she had seen Grace prepare it and pour it. Or had she? The day seemed like a blur. She could barely remember putting the children to bed. The more she tried to think of it the more they seemed like flashes. It almost felt as if one moment she had been watching the rain and the next she was here. The opening of the door startled her and she stood from the chair. She felt so comfortable with the children…with the staff…why was she suddenly feeling her heart beating so fast? It was not the same way as when she had seen him before, the way it had beat as they waltzed, as they married , as she watched him work only to suddenly be taken in his arms and swept quite literally off her feet. No…this was how she had felt when she ran, when she held the shovel in the freezing cold, when she had followed the ghostly voices, when she had seen her father…

“Darling, you look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” The blue eyes brightened…they looked so alive as he walked to her and kissed her cheek. He turned to look at the tea and tasted it, the grimace that took over his face for an instant told her it had sat there a lot longer than she thought. “I know it’s not easy to forget, but you need to stop fearing everything that is served to you.” He said as he set the cup down again. He moved toward the bed as he began taking of his vest and tie.

“Thomas…” her voice was barely above a whisper but it had reached his ears and he turned to face her. A flash of him standing at the doorway, snow blowing in as he looked to her…Edith bit her lip and felt herself fall into the chair. Thomas hurried to her side and kneeled by her, concern etched on every feature and his hand on her cheek. 

“Are you feeling ill again, Edith?” He asked her, a soft tremble in his voice. She looked up to him and…yes…she had been ill. It had been some time after they arrived. She had not been able to move much, her stomach had barely managed to contain anything and the food has tasted almost rotten…a memory of a fever, of the comforting voice of a woman…it took her a moment to realize it was Lucille who she was thinking off. Of her trying to feed her and finding her something to help her sleep. Of her washing the bloodied handkerchiefs quickly. Of assuring her it had all been nightmares, there were no red specters on the halls, no voices in the wind. It had all been terrible dreams. A sickness…nothing else. She quickly nodded.

“No, I just…feel a little off.” Was she ill? Had the nightmares come back? The twisted visions of this house, of the people in it? She felt the familiar pressure of a headache begin to pulse on her forehead and she rubbed her temple. Fever dreams could warp reality, could create hallucinations. In an unfamiliar surrounding they could create true horror. As she felt Thomas kiss her forehead and pull her into a hug the pressure on her head got stronger. Edith let herself be lost in the embrace. Fever dreams can seem so real. She had been sick…when Thomas made a move she held him closer, with no complaint he let her keep him there and rested his head on hers. The white specter was nothing but a dream. He was here, he had always been here. She finally released him and watched as he changed for the night. Maybe she was getting ill. The weather could have brought something on, could it not? 

As she got into the bed she told herself this was what was real. As she felt him get in next to her she repeated to herself that she was awake. As he embraced her and she felt the warmth of his body against hers she firmly declared that this was as things should be. As she looked at him, as he drifted off she almost chanted that this was the truth. As she let herself be defeated by sleep she said that she was safe and sound. And as her eyes closed and she caught a glimpse of a cut on his left cheek she told herself, almost desperately, that everything had an explanation as she faded into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be up last night, but living in a disaster zone I am at the mercy of whenever the utilities work. Hopefully the next chapter will be up next Wednesday!


	3. Chapter 3

She found herself being startled awake by a very harsh cough. The momentary confusion of her location was short, the cough sounded again and she saw the little boy sit up as he fought back the sudden attack. She quickly moved to sit next to him and rubbed his back as he slowly stopped, letting the handkerchief that was in his hand fall as he rested against her. Edith had never been so glad to see a relatively clean handkerchief. Her eyes scanned it as they could for any indication of something worse than a flu, but no scarlet dots had come over it. Deep down she knew that it shouldn’t worry her, all he had was a cold, wasn’t it? But she couldn’t help shake off the chill that took over her every time the boy coughed. The image of the deep crimson stains on the pale fabric would not leave her mind. Finally the boy calmed down and held her closer. Edith found herself smiling at that. She very lovingly brushed back his dark hair that clung to his feverish forehead.

“Anything I can get you?” Said a voice that felt like it had come from beyond some nightmare. She looked up and quickly hugged him to herself. She was dressed in something that looked closer to a nightgown, the woman at the door. Like she had been that night almost. Her dark hair plaited and over her shoulder. No..why was she here…if this was a dream like world why was she here. Edith hugged the boy tight enough that he gave a soft whimper.

“Go away!” She looked around, desperate to find something she could use to defend herself. Where was her pen when she needed it? Her eyes fell on the small ceramic jug that had held the water she was using on the boy’s brow. But before she could grab it another woman came out and held Lucille’s hand. It was only then that she noticed the woman who was her sister in law had not moved, and wasn’t even looking at them really. She seemed lost in her mind almost…

“Lucille!” the voice seemed to startle both of them, and another woman came and stood next to the woman at the door. _Anne_ , Edith thought to herself, _that’s Anne._ She looked at her, she felt not just familiar but also…safe. She felt herself relaxing the hold she had on the boy.

“I’m so sorry ma’am.” Said Anne as she held Lucille’s hand. “You know how she gets when we are here.”

Edith nodded softly. Of course she knew…or was she just projecting? If anyone was going to be haunted by this home it would be Lucille. A chill went down her spine, the way Lucille looked at the house was just how Edith felt about the place, Like she was seeing something that wasn’t b half the time, back in the crumbling manor with rotting floors.

“It’s alright…I just had a bit of a fight, I haven’t slept too well.” She said, stroking Carter’s hair softly. Anne nodded, and moved closer, pulling Lucille with her. In her mind, Edith wanted to scream at her to not do that…but there was not threat from the lost woman who now sat on the chair near the fire, just staring ahead. Anne moved closer and touched the boy’s forehead. Of course…she was a nurse wasn’t she? She should know how to help him…that was why she was there, at least a first. Edith felt that she no longer was there just in the service of health.

“He is doing good, not as clammy as he was before ma’am. Maybe we can make him some soup later?” Said Anne. That Carter did not move away gave her some sense of peace…almost like she could trust the boy’s knowledge of the world more than her own.

“Yes…yes that would be a good idea for later…Thank you Anne.” She said. Even if she was talking to Anne…the corner o her eye could not look away from Lucille…who looked into the flames in silence as if lost in some vision…

* * *

 

Dinner time already. The day had flown by. Probably the illness, yes that was it. Her own…her son’s. She looked at Thomas who sat at the head of the table next to her. She let her eyes wonder around the room then, the same dinning room that they had breakfast at…a few days ago? No she had been in bed and woken late right? But she was used to it, this was routine of course.

“Something in your mind, darling?” She heard Thomas ask her. Edith turned to look at him.

“Yes I just….” How could she explain what was troubling her? Should she mention how she felt out place? Should she mention Lucille? In all honesty she was not even sure of what it was that was bothering her. The silence seems to have annoyed him a little because she heard him sigh.

“I know…and I know it’s a difficult subject. But you must understand, she is my sister. It is a bond I can’t move look.” He said softly. Maybe it was something inhow he phrased it…the allusion to a bond…visions of a cold attic and the two pale faces that looked at her as the wind blew and she felt the same churn in her stomach, the sickening feeling and a wave of nausea came over her. She felt a chill, almost the same as that cold that invaded her that day. She heard his voice as he tried to talk to her after she had found them, and called out to her. She heard her voice as she declared their bond…their love…was that still there, was this home, this domestic bliss, only to hide the truth. Did they forget? Or was that just a part of the nightmare that seemed to be too real to have been a creation of her mind alone. She wasn’t even sure that even in her most creative moments she could come up with the scene that was so indelibly ingrained in her head… It felt like she had been staring for hours but when she looked at her husband he did not look at all disturbed. Had it been seconds?

“Would that be ok?” He asked her. What had she missed? “You know how she has gotten in the sanitariums, it’s better to have her hear where we can make sure her health is we’ll too.” There was something in his tone that told her this was a constant discussion. Lucille living here with them…Thomas insisting she stayed…were they. She turned to look at him, he was still talking but she was not really listening, it felt like she was spiraling. A flash of light made her see it again…the cut on his cheek…

* * *

 

**The thunder woke her. A flash of light. That was it wasn’t it, a storm. A storm and there she was I her own dinning room at home. She was living with ghosts, that the visions had now become something like another world rather than the apparitions that had haunted her for so long did not mean anything else…She looked down at her food. What was she even having? Not too sure, and not like giving it a taste made her be any clearer on what it was. She needed talk to the cook, maybe adding some spice would help…what was the cooks name again? Sower? Sawyer? She was pretty sure it was that…She felt a flush of shame at not being able to remember the name of someone she employed. That was not the kind of heiress she wanted to be. She sighed and rubbed her forehead. She needed more sleep, that was it wasn’t it? Even if it felt like resting was not the problem,Edith did not feel at all tired…She kept eating, almost mechanically and she suddenly was aware of the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that was settling on her. She looked around, the house felt so…dead and ghostly. Maybe tomorrow it would be different.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before, I am very sorry for missing the date I had promised but again, still in a disaster zone. It's been more than a month after María hit and I still have no power or connection. My workplace opened up again so I can have a bit more dependable wifi connection so hopefully I can update more regularly. Hope to see you all next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**If she was honest with herself she would tell him to go. She was tired, she wanted to sleep. But Alan had not given her much of a choice. Maybe he knew what was going on. That was why he had insisted on coming in. Alan had recently taken to care for her more than what she was comfortable with. Maybe because such attentions should have been lavished only on the young woman he had asked to marry him. She watched her as she told her of the latest plans for a dinner party she wanted to throw. A get together of bright minds she said. Alan sat next to her, smiling and nodding. It was terrible, but Edith could never shake off the feeling that her friend was not as in love as he kept professing to most people. Maybe it was the fact that he didn’t repeat it to her as often, knowing him since he childhood he probably knew she would see right through him…**

**“What do you say, dear Edith?” The young woman asked. Edith felt guilty, both for having fazed out while she talked and because of the fact that try as she might she couldn’t quite remember her name.**

**“Well,…If it mean so much…” She answers a bit hesitant. He was not sure what he was agreeing to. But the young woman smiled and gave a soft jump of excitement.**

**“Oh it will be so wonderful to have you there! I really think you can give all those professors a run for their money!”**

**Right, the dinner party, organized by her. Friends of Alan’s and her’s, scholars and doctors. Edith was already regretting it. But she smiled.**

**“I am sure it’s going to be very fun.”**

**“Elsa had said you would agree I was not really sure.” Said Alan, and Edith silently thanked whatever force made him name his wife and remind her of it.**

**“I can’t turn down a night hosted by Elsa, you know that.” A trick her father had taught her, name someone just after they told you their name to try to remember it. And her declaration felt honest even if she was not sure she really felt that way. Yes, she did like spending time with the young bride of her friend didn’t she? Elsa said something and she got up, picking up their cups and offered to take them to the kitchen, Edith tried to stop her but Elsa just nodded no softly.**

**“It’s all fine, don’t over exert yourself. Besides, we are as good as sisters aren’t we? And why wouldn’t I offer to help.” She gave her that smile again before moving away into the kitchen. Edith just turned her eyes to the fire in the small parlor room they were in. How long she and Alan where in silence she was not sure but she doubted it was long enough to warrant the tone with which he talked to her.**

**“Have you been taking care of yourself, Edith?” He said, a hint of harshness in the question.**

**“I’m fine…simply a little tired that is all.”**

**“You need to take the medicines I got you. And you need to rest properly not just dozing off where ever…why don’t you let us take care of you?”**

**She knew that his insistence was genuine, that he was a friend and he cared. But it just echoed the insistence of asking her to take bitter drinks she felt where killing her inside. Edith would had been lying if she didn’t say she distrusted even the medicines her dear old friend had gotten her. Elsa came back just in time to stop Alan from insisting more. From the look he had when she sat with them, Edith could tell this was a theme that was a source of tension between them.**

**“We should go, and we will pass by later after we are done with our errands. Maybe I can show you the linens we will have for the party ahead of time.” She said to Edith with that big smile that Edith was beginning to feel was as unreal as everything around her. Not that the young woman did not genuinely smile…but that everything was not real. Even Alan was not really there. She saw Elsa put a hand on hers “You look tired. Take some rest. A good walk into my mind tends to help me when I am stuck on an idea.”**

**Yes, she would do that. She watched the young couple go and waved at them, trying to smile herself. But it just felt like a foreign move for her muscles to make. She walked to the kitchen, finding a solitary cook. Was she her only staff? No, there was another maid. She just couldn’t remember their names. Edith asked her to please make sure she was not disturbed and only be called when supper was ready. Moving faster than she had so far she was quickly in her room and laying on her bed. The fire was lit here too, had she just let all the fires going? She must have turned it on and forgotten. As she laid her head on her pillow she had a thought that in other situations might have chilled her. What was the worst that could happen? Death? She was sure she could handle that one just fine…**

* * *

 

The hand that shook her softly was a bit stronger than she had expected. Grace, of course. Who else could it have been.

“Ma’am, the children are ready for their good nights.”

Edith nodded and stood, that feeling of complete exhaustion still all over her body. She fought against it and with every step she found it was easier and easier to climb them. She stopped for a moment, realizing she did not really know where the nursery was…and then it dawned on her. No, they wouldn’t have put it there, would they? Had Thomas decided to give-up his workshop? And then there was the room…:Lucille’s room…the images of black moths, locks of hair, and blood on her pen. Edith found herself running up to the attic.

The door looked brand new as she opened it. Peeling paint and an abandoned wheel chair was what she expected…but it was a soft warm fire that greeted her. Toys, some looking like they were bought, others looking like they were constructed. No workshop. No moths. No bed on which they had sat. Instead she kept walking and found herself in a warm place, with two small beds where her children currently where under their covers and looking at her with bright eyes and slow yawns.

She could have cried right there. Even as she walked over to Carter and Mary and kissed them good night with certainties that no bed bugs would bite she felt a lump in her throat. Her voice might have sounded calm and happy as she read them a short story, sitting in a rocking chair between both of the beds, but inside her mind was screaming at her. When they had drifted off she set the book down and stayed there, not rocking but just looking at the little sleeping faces.

“They are so lucky…to have you.” She looked up. Thomas stood at the door, she wondered how long he had been there. She smiled, even if inside Edith had to admit she was shaken by his almost ghostly movements. Why had she not heard his steps? Was she really that lost in thought? He walked up to her and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on each of the children, careful not to wake them.

“They also have you.” Edith said with a smile. Most of her thoughts felt like they came from some other world, channeled like a medium. But they still came out of her lips so confidently and naturally. She watched as he walked to her, and closed her eyes when she felt his hand on her cheek. It was so warm, so alive. She opened her eyes up at him and smiled. He leaned down and kissed her before helping her up from the chair.

“Come, let’s retire ourselves.” He said as he pulled her close to himself. Again the wave of realization of how real he felt. She leaned on his shoulder.

“Do you think we could have some tea before bed?” She asked softly, realizing she was actually hungry. His soft laugh made her stomach flip the same way it had the first time they met.

“Of course. I did not think you would be going to bed too soon seeing as you still wanted to finalize some things for the party.”

There was a party? Yes, she was organizing one, a dinner party. She had wanted to get new linens right? She still had some days to get it all done, and she had already shopped for them and was just waiting to receive them.

“Yes, I really want it all to be perfect.” She said with that same strange confidence she kept having.

“And it will be…it’s going to mean so much for all of us…and to me. I really don’t know how to thank you.”

Edith just chuckled and stood on her toes for a moment kissing his cheek.

“I am sure you will find a way, Thomas dear.” Her tone was teasing. He looked at her with a knowing smile.

“I’m lucky to have you too…Not to dwell on the past but when we almost lost you…”

She placed a finger on his lips.

“Like you said…we mustn’t dwell.” He nodded and they walked the rest of the way to the master suite in silence. She did not want to know really. She did not want to hear what had happened. She knew what it was. Or at least what her memories told her it was. And she did not want to hear any explanations. Even as she realized the soft piano music in the background felt too familiar for her comfort and meant the presence of someone in the house she did not want to think too much about. Even if when she had kissed his cheek her lips had felt the slight marks on his skin that kept screaming at her to remember. Even as she heard the laughter from the same room the piano was in. She did not want to hear anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In part this story has been shaping up slowly, so I hope you all are enjoying it! I am considering a twist in it, that could involve a major shift and that could require an archive warning. So my question to you all is, should I add this warning since now? Or should I reconsider a shift that large? So far the plan seems to be for this to not be too long so who knows. But again, I am being a pantser with this story. Let me know if you have any particular opinion! Hope you enjoyed this latest chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> This came about after I was reading and watching this movie for a paper during my masters, and a scene in Penny Dreadful. Add a touch of Julio Cortazar's The Night Face-Up and bam. Hope you enjoy what is to come.


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